Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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