So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
