Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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