I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
