I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
