Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
