woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
