Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can tuck mytits in my pants
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I could fuck to npr.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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