I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
