you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
