do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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