I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
