Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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