If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
