I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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