i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
