Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
