I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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