I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
