I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
