I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
