I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
