I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no. you can't hotbox the world.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
