OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
