I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
