of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
