Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
