I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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