i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
