Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize