i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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