Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
