Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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