He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
