I will die if light touches me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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