accomplished twins. life is a go
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
