dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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