We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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