I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
