Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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