Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am one with the molecules
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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