My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
