i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
