He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
