We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
