i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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