Please, let me fuck your mom
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found puke in my bra..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
