i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
