Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
