so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
