So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
