The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
