Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
