a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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