Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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