Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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