Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
