Swine flu. Run for my life!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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