Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
