I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
