i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize