i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
