listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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