But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
