the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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