my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
