and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
