I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
