He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
