walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You are the jesus of drinking
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
