Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
