There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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