Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
