so explain again why im purple
no
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
