think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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