So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
