what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
