my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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