i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
