i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
