he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
