I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
